The After-effects

May 13, 2008

 

My body has a way of telling me when it’s had enough and for me to take things slowly. I fall sick and have one day where it gets real bad and I need sleep to recuperate from it. 

 

Funny thing is, I don’t feel like I’ve studied enough.  

 

I can’t AFFORD to be sick. It’s NOT a luxury I can do, stay in bed all day while mountains of unread lecture notes pile up in front of me. At the same time, whats the point of reading when nothing goes in? The GI tract is dreadfully boring. NOT a speciality I want to go into.

 

Next week, we’re doing hormones -_- Oh glory.

 

***

 

 
(more…)

Tempted to shift

April 29, 2008

 

It’s just the time loading factor. And the fact that nuffnang doesn’t support iph. I blog so much and get good traffic, I SHOULD be making money outta it. But I have letting go issues. Oh yes. -_-

 

My day was pretty ordinary today. Nothing of particular interest. I woke up late as always, rushed to uni, Lucky Lulu saved me a seat and oh glory, next to the lovebirds. Heh. 

 

Moving on. . .

 

Then I had to go for the ISOW meeting, we went to meet our teacher advisor today. Prof Vishna’s alright, but she gives me the impression of being those ‘touch&go’ sorts. A working lecturer, who makes possibly quite a bit lecturing students on medicine, is worried about how much a text message to a student’s gonna cost her.

 

A bit too the kanjus for me.

 

So after that, we headed to the cafe for brunch and had our second commitee meeting there to discuss the details for the welcoming/farewell party for ISOW. Yes people, JOIN In Support of Women! Posters and details to be coming soon, right after PBL is over and done with -_-

 

So much for last minute. I did ALL my research today and what’s funny is that, all the materials are in Marieb and our lecture notes this time. No need for internet research. Well, at least not for my part. This is gonna be our last PBL session with Mr Niraj.

 

*throws confetti* Yay! Maybe now I can actually look forward to PBL.

 

 *

 My neck and upper back has been aching for the past few days. And my left ankle. I have no idea what happened. I have NOT had any strenuous sudden physical activity to exert such dull aches and pains in those regions. I can’t turn left. So if you sit on my left side and try to stir up a conversation with me, I’m sorry, I don’t intend to be rude staring straight ahead just that, whatever you’re going on about, seriously isn’t worth the pain that’s gonna come if I put more effort into seeming attentive. 

 

Mum deduced I must have a thick hide. Heh. Because Deep Heat Rub didn’t work. Nope. I felt NOTHING. No stinging burning sensation, not even a calming cool mentholated feeling, NO. Nothing. And the aches are STILL there. Mum pressed and she pressed but she must be really weak because I felt NOTHING. If not that, we’re back to the Thick Hide hypothesis.

 

And so my pain lives on. Jeremy offered to snap my neck into position.

 

-_- Over my dead body.

 

So he  contented himself with taking a picture and adding it to these templates he has on his phone. I saw him fidgeting with his phone, asked him what was up and voila, my instincts were right, I was the victim. And I will NOT post that picture up here because I look ridiculous. I am pretty photogenic and I will NOT have that photo destroying my track record of looking incredibly gorgeous in stills.

 

* 

 

Sigh. Tension is sinking in. Going through all my notes made me realise how much there is to read that I have to know. What sucks is that I could have JUST gone through it but could not remember it a few days later. It’s utter bollocks I tell you. I go through stuff diligently and THEN I can’t for my LIFE remember what it was, exam-style. Summatives are in 7 weeks but there’s SO MUCH. SO much I tell you.  

 

I’m tired. I really am. So many responsibilities, so much I want to accomplish yet, there’s something always in the way. I twist and turn my routine to adjust to new changes and adapt. But when it doesn’t get appreciated or doesn’t seem enough, I feel spent. And I get tired. Soon, the impatience sets in. Then it accumulates. And then panic mode. And then comes the part I don’t like, where I lash out. I don’t like that. I don’t like lashing out at people I care about.

 

Sigh.

 

Tension sinks in. I’ve lost the mojo to blog about the random thoughts that invade my reverie each day. I find myself becoming a little bit more closed up, to the new people I’ve met. It’s weird. Possibly post-trauma neurosis or some shit like that. It’s funny how people and emotions can inflict that on you.  

 

Double sigh.

 

Med school, isn’t all that cracked up to be. I guess, I’m really beginning to truly see what being a doctor is about. How you put the lives of others, ahead of yours. . .and fuck, this is just first year. I can only imagine what it’s gonna be like later on. . .

 

Gonna have to rethink a lot of things in life. Like I said.

 

I have trouble letting go.

 

A perfect Sunday morning. . .

April 20, 2008

 

. . .involves me sitting in bed, with Luthor on my lap, accompanied with good music playing on my speakers and ipod with a lovely grey sky outside and typing away at a blog post.

 

To top it off, the entire room looks so incredibly blue. Blue blue BLUE. Yes, the curtains are blue which means when light streams through, it creates a blue-cool sorta effect on the entire room. Doesn’t help that it’s carpeted blue and that the cupboards and walls are blue and the built-in table as well =D

 

Yes! I love blue!

 

I had so much I wanted to blog about. Oh yeah, I remember now. Well, I missed the BS lecture as planned but I had made plans with Prav to meet up with her for lunch. It was supposed to be a one2one thing, cuz we had SO much we wanted to talk about. I wanted to tell her about how things have been ever since I got to IMU and ask her questions regarding our summatives. Also on where to get questions we could assess ourselves on.  

 

But mainly to gossip about our lovelives etc. It’s a girly thing.

 

 While waiting for Prav, I met Sir Doink seated by himself and well, I couldn’t ignore him because this time, he decided he couldn’t ‘make-dunno’ anymore. Well anyhoo, we ended up chatting, he ended up being with us, he also followed us out to lunch so there went plans to girly gossip. Tho it was fun because it then turned into a guy-bashing session. Well, guy-bashing the typical stereotyped guy whose lil brain crowds over the perception of the big brain. 

 

It was a funny outing because Prav kept bringing up non-commital issues, like how she admired forthrightness in a person or being honest and that it was always better to have those traits rather than play around in circles.

 

Prav : I’m glad you’re not like that Ash.

Me : I have no patience for it.

Prav : Imagine when a guy does that. Comes in then pulls out.

Me : That was an innuendo completely intended wasn’t it?

Prav :  But don’t you agree with me?

Me : I completely despise that. I have no patience for it. So I just move on.

Sir Doink : *is quiet and thinking intently*

Prav : *winks at me*

 

 But for me, in a possibly weird and sadistic way, that outing was incredibly rewarding and satisfying. Because Prav helped instill the fact that I have in fact moved on and come out with the reasons on why I decided to because a certain someone was trying to make me feel bad for it. But I walked away from that outing happy because he finally understood why I moved on. 

 

 *

That very day I came home and got a message. . .

 

"Well someone was trying to make me feel bad for not meeting up. Well I guess you’d be happy to know you managed. Lol.  I had some problems and issues to handle. Stuff I had to go through alone before I met up with anyone at uni. And I was so afraid I was gonna lash out at people and the last person I wanted to lash out at was you. So I just avoided people. Just wanted to let you know that. That’s all. Take care, I’ll see you around,"

 

 Well, life goes on.

 

 *

 

Well, on a happier note, reflections aside, Emperor Insanity has started reading! It’s always fascinated me how he could write so well, poetry and stuff and not actually be into books? Cuz most writers start out from reading books.  Well, he’s picked out a perty interesting book btw =P

 

 

 

I’ll post up a good review when I can find one. Once again, I’m sleepy again. And the cool blue room isn’t helping.

I don’t know what I’d do without. . .

April 8, 2008

 

. . .the internet! =D

 

To me, what I’m doing right now is utter bliss. It’s nothing much, just another ordinary day at home. I had a 5 hour nap in the afternoon - don’t ask me how I did that, I just did - and was supposed to wake up after 2 hours but just couldn’t. It was raining in the afternoon and my air-conditioning was on and I had "The Amulet of Samarkand" on my bed. . .It was such bliss.

 

I can’t describe the utter peace I felt at that moment right before I drifted off to sleep. I was calm, serene and the book was taking me back to my days of complete couch-potatoism where I devoured fictional pursuits ravenously, bit by bit, changing my way of thinking from that of my family’s. Slowly, without realising, my outlook on life compared to theirs changed. But because of sanctions and limitations put by family - and their money - I had to keep it all in.

 

Right now, I’m reading on things I’ve always wanted to study about. The nervous system, nutrition - they may all seem like really boring topics but it’s amazing what people from centuries ago have discovered about our body, and how all the structures in our system come together to form a completely functioning body. Then I start to think about how unhealthy mine is - good gods it is.

 

It is amazing, being able to have access to all this knowledge, it’s just waiting for me to come read up on it. Knowledge, is such power. It’s not so much for the studying but for learning’s sake. I enjoyed today’s lecture because I finally hung on to every word and our lecturer, JP, he told us the difference between learning and studying and which is, by far the best, regardless of grades. It felt good knowing that there are lecturers that don’t judge a student based on grades.

 

Oh. . .and the music I listen to right now, as I flick ceaselessly through pages of my assignment topic and notes on the nervous system, Philip Glass, instrumentals from the album Metamorphosis. Lovely sounds from the piano. . .*is in sheer heaven*

 

I can’t describe this feeling of bliss. Having such great music, reading and expanding my thoughts, as sedentary as this is, I’m enjoying it.

 

For a while now I wondered with my enthusiasm for writing, should I have done something else instead? And seeing that I care so much subconsciously about what my family tells me, did I go into medicine for the wrong reasons?

 

I now realise, my enthusiasm strengthens my writing and that writing, is my tool for expressing myself in thoughts and will all the knowledge I gain. I was right to choose medicine. My confusion earlier was just because I knew there were easier ways to succeed in life. And I was seeking a faster, shorter way. 

 

Now that I’m much clearer on the path before me and what I have to do, I feel way better. Stronger.

 

 

 

Super

April 6, 2008

 

Human beings have always been fascinated with the very notion of being different or having talents and capabilities that deviate from the norm of our genetic makeup. It’s a pretty intriguing theory, really. Scientists have found out that only 10% of our brain capacity is being utilised for daily metabolic needs, thinking, the conscious mind and your physical activities along with emotions and all manner of normal functions you find yourself capable of doing. 

 

But what about the other 90%?

 

Tho the figures are just estimates and there’s no empirical proof to the actual percentage of usage, I’ve always wondered about it really. What if, just what if the other 90% holds the controlling mechanisms for all the genes in our body that the scientists have yet to decode? Highly possible, no? Just a theory, I have no substance to back it up but maybe that’s why neurology has always fascinated me. Maybe my career in the research arena isn’t as dead-ended as I thought it to be. Give me an interesting theory and I might just be piqued. 

 

Of course, research requires funding. To top it off, one has to acquire knowledge on the subject and do a lot of reading on such matters to begin with. No doubts, it would take up a lot of the free time I use to write fiction and reading. I barely have time for my own notes.

 

Well, I suppose a little light reading now and then won’t hurt.

 

Recent experience in humankind has shown unusual incidents of abnormal brain activity in certain individuals. For example, in Einstein, he displayed a high number of glial cells in the parietal lobe of his brain. Such a phenomenon went to show that stimulation in thinking and acquiring knowledge was responsible for the unusual count of cells in his brain. Apart from that, he displayed dense dendrite connectivity (parts of neuron cells that interlink with other neurons) which also indicated much stimulation in a lot of thinking. People who think more have high dendrite connections in their brains, studies have shown. Google it or look it up for further certification.

 

Apart from that, Tibetan monks and sages and Hindu gurus have been able to lower their heart rates, blood pressure and generate heat in freezing conditions. These unusual incidents go to show that the autonomic functions of the brain can be controlled and regulated. Amazing huh? So imagine what we could really do with our bodies if we ever managed to unlock the secrets to our vast brain and genetic code.

 

Oh, some Hindu sages have been known to levitate in meditation. Unfortunately, eye-witness accounts don’t count for much when not subjected to vast public display. 

 

Maybe I’ve been watching too much Smallville. But come on, aren’t any of you intrigued by this as well?

 

 

"What a piece of work is a man!
How noble in reason!
How infinite in faculty,
in apprehension how like a god!"

~ William Shakespeare, Hamlet

 

 

How true indeed.

 

 

Sigh. . .

 

I’m worried again. A few things really.

The future, of our family, what I have to do.

And I’m getting those weird hunches again, like before.

Gut feelings, are never to be ignored. 

 

Sigh. . .

 

It’s A Beautiful Day

March 30, 2008

 

 

I titled this post The Housewife Chronicles at first - because I had to prepare lunch, wash dishes and look after kids today - but with some afterthought, I just had to change it. 

 

Never in my life could I imagine EVER using such a term on myself. Not that I wouldn’t be good at it, I’d be a damned good housewife - I just can’t see myself succumbing to a life like that - no offense to all domesticated women around the globe. Mum had to go clean out her apartment today so Dad followed and they took the maid to help and as such, all the kids are left here with me. It’s a pretty nice change, to have a quiet Sunday at home, my kid co usins around. I like these ones because they aren’t wreaking havoc, Babs is here too and they get sarcasm. I see hope already for the third generation of our family.

 

Currently reading “The Amulet of Samarkand” by Jonathan Stroud. It’s a pretty good book, and not just for fantasy lovers. Yes, even better than the Pothead chronicles. The author uses a first POV approach and the narrator of the story is a very very sarcastic and cynical genie –and now you see why it gets such esteem from moi- and it unfolds quite nicely, seems rather action packed. Usage of one-sentence paragraphs are plentiful so there’s more impact and drama without seeming melodramatic. Drama is good, melodrama is. . .jackshit.

 

And the genie is amazing. Really. Waaaay better than Robin Williams as the blue genie in the Disney version of Aladdin =D

 

I’ve begun analyzing myself. It’s really quite strange. I have many alters to myself, oh yes indeedy. The first one would be the one everyone else sees. The loud brown woman. Then there’s the quiet brown woman – and whenever that alter comes into play, everyone thinks there’s something freakishly wrong with the brown woman. I assure you, I’m alright, I’m not depressed, I’m merely deep in thought about something else, high on life or have transcended into a different plane where I automatically assume that people and the world are too trivial for me and start pondering about higher purposes in life.

 

I think, I just insulted the world =D

 

Anyhoo, back to the self-analysis. You see, I don’t need to travel to countries and soul-search. What On EARTH could other countries you’ve never been to have to offer that could make you understand more about yourself when your SELF is with you the entire time? Seeing that you’ve lived your whole life too, in Malaysia, why search elsewhere? So here I am, sitting in the dining room of my house in Overseas Union Gardens, somewhere around KL, the west coast of the peninsular of Malaysia, just randomly thinking about what a lovely day it is.

 

Sure, it’s going to rain which means the internet is gonna be cut off any moment now. Ah, there it is, the little pop-up button that’s telling me that the wireless connection is temporarily unavailable because OUG has jackshit internet connection. This truly is home.

 

So why am I reveling in the beauty of today and doing a wee bit of self-analysis? There’s no one at home, I feel free. Simple.

 

Back to the self-analysis. So there’s loud me and quiet me. There’s angry bitter me too. And hopeful me. Yes, the brown woman has ounces of hope in her that feed her enough optimism to wake up to another day. That very optimism helps her deal with stupid people and shallow numskulls that live all around her. No, we’re not talking about just family, we’re talking about the goddamned world.

 

There’s unconfident me too. Ironically, not many people see that side. Only two people have, one more so than the other because of a HUGE mistake I made. Until now, I never have been able to seem confident around that person. He knows too much of me and feels pitiful which both scares and annoys me. So I avoid him.

 

By gods, there’s even a romantic me! =D But I shall spare my minions details. We’ll save it for the bedside stories, eh girls? And nightmares for some, certain eager beavers etc.

 

There’s bad me too, the part which contradicts the good spirit in me and goes ahead and does all the bad stuff. What do I mean by bad?

 

That’s for me to know and for yall to hopefully never find out.

 

Either way, the demon in me is under much suppression due to the magnanimous good spirit that dwells within me as well. It is but the classic tale of battle between good and evil. I can almost see the light sabers doing their zinging thing.

 

So what is the point of this post really? Even I haven’t the foggiest!

 

Let’s just say that, people always present different sides of themselves to different people. It is only the extent of these shape-shifting of egos that differ. So don’t you say you don’t do it. You do just that, you probably aren’t very good at it =D

 

Badabing badaboom, I’m DONE.

 

Ps – Smallville really is quite a sad, sad show. Ryan dies! And Clark finds someone that’s NOT Lana and falls head over heels for her and she DIES. By gods!

 

 

 

Ka-ching

March 29, 2008

And Ash reflects yet again! It’s amazing eh? I have tonnes of slides to read, a few connective tissue cells that need memorising,  oodles of notes to finish making -to make the studying easier- and yet, I insist on blogging as a higher priority!

And oh, I shall sleep right after too. My weekends consist of virtual breakfast dates. With just one person, I assure you *grins* I have to be up early and pretend to look like a morning person for the cam =P

 

So here I was thinking again.

About what Ash?

Money

Don’t we all. . .

 

 *

Well not so much money as in, I want money now thinking. But recent events taking place in my family, amidst friends and in some relationships concerning others, the bottom line is this. . .

 

In general, relationships today are defined by moh-ney.

 

 

"Noooo. . .I could never let something like money come between me and my sweetheart."

 

Now just you take that back. No you don’t, your relationship isn’t any more special than the other couple snogging each other’s faces off down that street. As much as you blatantly deny the fact, ALL relationships of today are very much affected by moh-ney.

 

Think about this. Your other half has no credit to text or call you ||> You get irked, you end up calling him/her, your cash goes off, eventually none of you have cash, there’s no communication, along comes someone else who sees you everyday - BHAM, suddenly your other half isn’t around for you anymore to talk to. And this new being is. Instant chaos. 

 

Or another scenario ||>  There is a wealthy relative in your family. Immediately, all your family members turn to him for support. If he isn’t a generous man, it’s not complicated at all, he’s a rich snob! =D But if he is, then he gives. And gives. And gives. And in human nature, it’s nearly impossible to be that giving and not expect ANYTHING in return. Thus, Mr Rich Generous Man will therein expect your undying gratittude and put an ounce of dominance in the dude and he controls your life! 

 

What else?

 

People with more money, get more respect. You’d be an idiot if you denied this. I’ve known the most solid, responsible and giving of people be torn apart by money woes. What’s so sad is that people just can’t see what’s within the means of a person and it really doesn’t mean they love the other person any less.

 

Money blinds people.  Money changes people. Money talks.

 

 So this is why, when my mother hands me a brand new 50 - and it’s not even allowance day! - and I also have 60 bucks in my wallet and could have had 110 AND the next additional 100 coming in this Monday, I tell her politely to keep it. 

 

Whatever happened to opportunist me?!

 

No, I’m not waging a vehement vendetta against the very thing that enables fortnightly trips to Dorothy Perkins, fattening fast food franchises and looking even more hotter than usual *coughs* I am merely, being, or attempting, to be moderate.  Plus, she can put that 50 aside for the fund that’s going for the new study table and other things that my room needs =D 

 

I’m actually, just, afraid.

 

I need to make money. I need to buy a goddamned house in New Zealand. I need cash to become a BETTER doctor. And I need cash to adopt my multiethnic kids. That leaves zero for the wardrobe impulses and tech gadgets. Goodbye 3 for 10 earrings. Goodbye social life.

 

If this is what it takes to becoming a responsible adult, find me Neverland.

 

She stays at home, reflecting on love, relationships and life

March 20, 2008

 

There was no uni today, no classes, no study groups, so I slept in, but woke up to talk and spend some quality time with Emperor Insanity.

 

Uni has had me not being able to spend enough time with all the loved ones in my life. The only goal I can afford to have now would be to study hard and the amount of reading to be done is piling. Lecture notes, textbooks, other people’s notes, your own notes. . .It sure takes time.

 

I spent the day going through enzymes and I still can’t remember jackshit.

 

I have so many dreams, so much I want to do. But hurt, disappointment, the tasks people expect of me, they all seem to cloud the path I intend to tread on. Most of my energy seems to be drained by just ignoring these obstacles, putting on a selfish front.

 

Sometimes I feel like butter spread over too much bread.

 

It’s only Sem 1; the next few semesters here are only gonna get worse. But I do get much time to reflect, in between studying when my attention drifts. I love being at uni because I get to be my own person there, not having to hide my views entirely. Sure, some of my extreme views have to be hidden because society here in general isn’t quite accustomed to it yet. But I can breathe more in uni than I can at home.

 

On another note entirely. . .

 

Late morning today, my close friend Andrew texted to tell me that my ex had come about our residential area to drop Andrew’s sister and her friends off at his house. Andrew was stunned and knows all the details of my past relationship with Arun. As such, he was extremely worried about his sister’s welfare. Arun apparently talks well of me and Andrew to his sister. But that is to be expected, Arun is making an attempt at her, I know it so well. He charms his way into the hearts of women by saying all he wants is friendship. He starts pouring his sorrows out to the girl, always calling and talking to her under the pretext of a platonic relationship till she reciprocates and that’s when he swarms in for the kill. And the first few months of the relationship might be real right until he somehow manages to sleep with her. If he does, he’ll get bored. If he doesn’t, it’ll take a while longer till he gets tired of trying and finds easier prey.

 

He backs up his argument by putting you at fault, by making you doubt yourself, by playing tricks with your heart. You feel bad for doubting him but the truth is? He really is lying and your intuition is probably correct.

 

I blinded myself to it. And fate was kind enough to give me a stinging slap to reality.

 

Well, life goes on. It was just a lil unsettling to know he comes about our lil town and hangs out with my friends. Andrew and Heva are very disgruntled by this fact and Andrew has already told his sister to stay clear.

 

Let’s just hope she listens this time. Hearing this bit of news was like having my past come back to haunt me. The memories I had have faded but the hurt, it’ll never go. It’s a good thing cuz it just makes you stronger to face even more. And to be a better person.

 

And it worked out for the better. I’m with someone else who makes me totally happy and complete. And he’s a keeper alright. Each second I’m not with him, just makes me miss him more. We may not live in the same country and are continents apart. But it’s more than that.

 

So on days like this, when I get a wee bit down, thinking about the past, I think about all the gems in my life, the lovely lovely people I know and I thank my Big Blue Ball of energy for being this blessed.  

 

*hugs all gems*

 

 

 

She comes home, to her desk, and flips her books open

 

 

Yeah, that says it all doesn’t it?

 

Lately, I’ve just been really freaked with the lectures that have been coming up. So much to remember, all these metabolic pathways, kinda need to stop messing around and just focus on lectures. Luckily, I’ve got a good group of friends who know how to have a good time and still know where their priorities are. So we’ve decided to form a study group, me, Sandeep, Zia, Roshnee. Others are welcomed to join but it’s better if we get into groups of 3-4 max. Anything larger and we’d have mini groups. It’d be good to discuss the metabolic pathways, talk about it together and quiz each other on it. This way, whatever we study, well we can complement each other on it, help each other out and when you study to present information, you end up reading and knowing more. Well, for me at least. 

 

I’m really happy with the current group of friends I have at IMU now, didn’t take that long to settle in I guess. Met some really mature people - women, of course - and some clowns you can just have fun with - intelligent ones tho - and some friends you can really rely on. Well, I don’t wanna rely on anyone just yet, you never know with people really, as proved apparent by a long-time buddy of mine who just left the scene like that.  

 

I noticed something really funny. . .with exception of Lotus, Candymandy and Gedik, I don’t see any of the Intec crowd hanging out with Intec people. Well, it’s good and really great that they don’t limit themselves and mingle but they’ve completely stopped hanging with em, which is kinda sad. Like today, I met Zack and asked him who else does he still stick with and he said practically no one else. I don’t see Sharifah and Yasmin around.  I see Lotus quite a bit, she’s a pretty friendly senior now, haha and I bump into Candymandy quite a bit too. Gedik’s the best, she messaged me once to have lunch with her, couldn’t do it then but we’re meeting this Friday to catch up with each other =)

 

QueenQuah said she’d update me during the break she gets next week, I miss her loads too. Uni has been hectic for her too.

 

Eager Beaver and I chat once a week I guess, when things aren’t hectic or when there’s a youtube link or political blog article he thinks I should read or when he has reflections.

 

Wonderboy and I text regularly. Same goes with Screw. I get Chili Padi Muffin’s shoutouts daily so I have a rough idea of what that woman’s up to

 

Been a while since I spoke to the Pink Potato Princess but I’m guessing she’s busy with uni.

 

Been a while since I met Funkmonks, but I know she reads.

 

Jo-nah is MIA.

 

I haven’t heard from Statsboy and Sleepy Arep in ages.  

 

And Jakun, well she’s the best If she can’t catch me on MSN, she’d leave an email on Gmail updating me. Sadly, I can’t reply often but I try. And if I can’t, I leave messages via MSN. 

 

Although, my closest friend from uni has completely avoided me and tends to do it a lot. Just last week, he texted me. . .

 

Sir Doink : Hey, you still awake by any chance?

 

Well, I wasn’t. So the next morning. . .

 

Me : Sorry, fell asleep early, was exhausted. What’s up?

 

And as expected, I got no reply. Tho Sir Doink never messages outta the blue like that for advice unless in real trouble, so I got worried.

 

Then I saw the jackass in the cafe getting food.  So I shoved aside all my pride, ego and what not and did my duty as a friend (or whatever we are now) to ask what was wrong, cuz my conscience wouldn’t let me rest easy.

 

Me : Hey you

Sir Doink : Hey

Me : You look different

Sir Doink : I shaved

Me : Ah

*awkward silence*

Me : What was yesterday’s message about?

Sir Doink : Nothing. . .

Me : Ahuh. Sure.

Sir Doink : Might have to head back to Ipoh for a bit. Some family trouble.

Me : Why, what’s happened?

Sir Doink : *looks uncomfortable*

Me : Never mind

 

And just like that, I walk away to go get food and join my own group of friends. And he joins his. And later, when I check to see if all is ok, I get. . .

 

Me : So when do you go home?

Sir Doink : Soon, probably this weekend.

Me : Ah. I thought I was the one with family problems.

Sir Doink : I’m not saying a word.

Me : Well I tried.  

 

I hate it when close friends turn to this. Sure, he was the jerk. But I hate myself for letting me trust him at some point of time. I could easily say that my ex was a mistake, but I never wanted to say Sir Doink was. And I guess I trusted him with more than I did with my ex because I thought he had the maturity to listen and help me deal with things. But I guess maturity is something scarce these days in men unless they’re like Emperor Insanity =) and well, life is gonna be full of people who can be one thing and then be the complete other.

 

Today a cousin sister of a close friend at uni passed away and we mourned with her by skipping class. The cousin sister was 19 years old.

 

Life is so short. . .Best to not dwell in the past and worry about the morrow but just live each day as it comes, taking our steps one by one.

 

Cheerio folks.