Unsaid

July 31, 2009

by The Fray

Not that you’re the one
Not to say I’m right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

But suffice it to say
We’re leaving things unsaid
We sing ourselves to sleep
Watching the day lie down instead

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead

We’re both pretty sure
Neither one can tell
We seem difficult
What we got is hard as hell

A hundred thousand words could not quite explain
So I walk you to your car And we can talk it out in the rain

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead
And we are leaving some things unsaid

I can sing myself to sleep
No more

Not that you’re the one
Not to say I’m right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

 

: )

July 26, 2009

Ryan said that if I just hang around and wait to move on, I never will. And that I’d only move on if I open my heart to it.

So he asked me to open my heart to him.

I’ve been hurt so much before. So much that when he asked me to be his, I just started to cry.

And then he hugged me and said it was ok, and that I didn’t have to answer him then and there. But no, that wasn’t it.

Wherever I go, whatever I do, and no matter how bad things get, something always falls through and I’d like to think that I do indeed, have that guardian angel I dreamt about in my life, who looks out for me no matter what. For a long time, I had felt abandoned, lost, angry. A whole host of feelings I didn’t dare verbalize or even blog about publicly for the fear of making them more real.

It hurt a lot to think that my ex never respected me enough to be able to tell me that he was moving on. It hurt even more to find out through facebook. It was like nothing of our relationship meant much to him when it meant so much to me.

But things always happen for a reason. That’s what the Gita says.

Maybe, I am meant to hurt so I can appreciate what comes to me when the right one approaches. Some day, I believe I will be happy with someone, who will always be there for me and never hurt me the way previous lovers have.

I told him that it wasn’t that. But that I was scared. And I felt lost and suddenly, it’s like I’ve been saved.

And just like that, he kissed me. Tears and all.

Me : Do you really want this? You know what I’ve been through.  There is a lot of baggage you’re gonna have to deal with here.

Him : Who DOESN’T have baggage? I’m sure I do. I’ve been engaged once. She left me for a DJ. I’m sure you understand how that feels.

Me : Too well, I feel.

Him : We can take this as slow as you want. Tho you’re gonna have to stop crying if that’s the case.

Me : *glares at him* Why?

Him : You look sexy when you cry.

-_-”

Apparently Ryan finds blowfish sexy. Disturbing much?

Well putting his eccentricities aside, I said yes.

We both know relationships never always work out. We both know that we have flaws and that it’ll probably take a lot of work to make it work as well.

But we’ll try all the same.

After all, it should work if two people really do love each other.

: )

Love, is only apparent in our actions. Words are powerful but they can be lies.

Acta non verba.

I wonder if I’ll get any action this time ; ) Getting a kiss itself was very pleasantly surprising :”>

 

 

 

Random thought

July 22, 2009

 

I do think, that if I died in my sleep tonight or tomorrow or anytime soon, I would not regret it.

I can say that I have experienced enough about life, enough joy, enough pain, enough love, enough sorrow, to be able to walk away from here without ever looking back.

They say that when you’re in love with someone and you grow old together, when one of the couple passes away, the other doesn’t take too long to follow in suit.

I wanted that. But now, I’m never going to be able to get it. 

As such, life and death have no more meaning for me. 

If I die, anytime soon, in my early or midlife, know this.

I will not have regretted it.

As should none of you. 

Goodbye.

Just in case. 

My Cage

July 5, 2009

 by Ashvini Rajah

Predictable

June 19, 2009

People are so predictable.

It’s typical. Someone else comes along, showers one with attention and the person he/she claimed to have loved and always loved, well suddenly that doesn’t come into play anymore. 

But I knew this from back with Arun. 

People always claim to be around for you, to be there. And then they ALWAYS disappoint because they always leave. 

This is why I don’t and I can’t trust anyone anymore.

Even the ones I should be trusting. 

 

 

=)

June 18, 2009

Yeah. I’m happy.

Thanks, you. 

What is love, really?

June 10, 2009

“Someday somebody’s gonna ask you, a question you should say yes to, once in your life,”

So many things make so much more sense now. So many many things.

1. How he helped out for my 20th birthday.
2. How he cut that dvd for me and put lots of effort into it. 
3. How he came over to accompany me whenever I was lonely.
4. How he called whenever family stuff bugged me.
5. How he kept calling me at college when I got lonely.
6. How he volunteered to be back-up for my prom.
7. How he’s hated everyone of my boyfriends/crushes/love interests until now.
8. How he did this and did that without so much as expecting anything in return from me.
9. And how I totally did NOT appreciate any of it. 

*

The one thing he ever wanted from me, was to listen to him go on about his family woes. 

Sigh. 

I should learn to be more tolerant. And ignore his taunts about rich jokes.

I still can’t believe it’s happened. After all, it’s Kel. My best bud from all these years of knowing each other

Dear God. . .WHY?

*

Both love AND life are four-lettered words.