Arrhythmia

: )

July 26, 2009

Ryan said that if I just hang around and wait to move on, I never will. And that I’d only move on if I open my heart to it.

So he asked me to open my heart to him.

I’ve been hurt so much before. So much that when he asked me to be his, I just started to cry.

And then he hugged me and said it was ok, and that I didn’t have to answer him then and there. But no, that wasn’t it.

Wherever I go, whatever I do, and no matter how bad things get, something always falls through and I’d like to think that I do indeed, have that guardian angel I dreamt about in my life, who looks out for me no matter what. For a long time, I had felt abandoned, lost, angry. A whole host of feelings I didn’t dare verbalize or even blog about publicly for the fear of making them more real.

It hurt a lot to think that my ex never respected me enough to be able to tell me that he was moving on. It hurt even more to find out through facebook. It was like nothing of our relationship meant much to him when it meant so much to me.

But things always happen for a reason. That’s what the Gita says.

Maybe, I am meant to hurt so I can appreciate what comes to me when the right one approaches. Some day, I believe I will be happy with someone, who will always be there for me and never hurt me the way previous lovers have.

I told him that it wasn’t that. But that I was scared. And I felt lost and suddenly, it’s like I’ve been saved.

And just like that, he kissed me. Tears and all.

Me : Do you really want this? You know what I’ve been through.  There is a lot of baggage you’re gonna have to deal with here.

Him : Who DOESN’T have baggage? I’m sure I do. I’ve been engaged once. She left me for a DJ. I’m sure you understand how that feels.

Me : Too well, I feel.

Him : We can take this as slow as you want. Tho you’re gonna have to stop crying if that’s the case.

Me : *glares at him* Why?

Him : You look sexy when you cry.

-_-”

Apparently Ryan finds blowfish sexy. Disturbing much?

Well putting his eccentricities aside, I said yes.

We both know relationships never always work out. We both know that we have flaws and that it’ll probably take a lot of work to make it work as well.

But we’ll try all the same.

After all, it should work if two people really do love each other.

: )

Love, is only apparent in our actions. Words are powerful but they can be lies.

Acta non verba.

I wonder if I’ll get any action this time ; ) Getting a kiss itself was very pleasantly surprising :”>

 

 

 


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