Haunted

May 6, 2008

 

Today, I once again experienced an emotion I haven’t felt for quite a while.  

 

Fear,"

 

Was explaining to Kecik today about how it’s wrong for a girl to put herself 100% into a relationship when the guy does not give her commitment of any form or a clear indication of where they’re headed. Kecik mentioned how she felt ‘taken for granted’ and ‘used’ and ‘underappreciated’. Words I only knew too well. Talking to her today was like facing a ghost from the past about how I dealt with my own lil mishaps in the relationship arena. I could tell her loads cuz I sure as hell learnt a ton of stuff from that. But then I wonder if we eventually go back to that (ie, putting 100% of ourselves into the relationship), being women. Sometimes, it’s unfortunate because the two people involved in a relationship could love each other very much and yet still have these feelings because they don’t appreciate each other at an equal level. Ie, girl tells guy she loves him and does lil things for him to make him happy and guy just says thank you and they all go back to their normal routine. Ok sure, one shouldn’t expect things in return. But it’s not that really, more like, it takes effort from BOTH parties to make it work rather than just expecting one half of the relationship entity to do his/her job as the loyal and sweet girlfriend/boyfriend. Usually happens after both parties get extremely comfortable with each other. 

 

I wish, I knew when it’s alright to give 100%.  Losing yourself, is a really hard thing to do. And when you do and it doesn’t work out, there’s a lot to recover from. Hence the fear. And this fear puts a self-protecting mechanism into play. Kinda like what we learnt in Behavioural Sciences, the steps that lead you from an Unconditioned Stimulus and Unconditioned Response to a Conditioned Stimulus and Conditioned Response. Which is why they always say the first cut is the deepest and it ought to get better from that. 

 

Talking to Kecik today reminded me of all that. Such are relationships, a gamble you have to be brave enough to put yourself through.

 

And lo behold, that be my cynical side speaking. I hear my romantic side (yes, I have one) going "Oh Ash, you negative thing!"

 

Well let’s just say certain things that happened today have brought out the cynic in me once more.

 

Wonderboy would be oh-so proud.

 

 ***

 

At any rate, I’m liking the template I set for the blogger version of Ashyville. So folks, if you don’t see posts here, it means iph’s being a bitch and I’ve blogged temporarily there.

But first, let me introduce you to my new phone! =D

 

 

 

Isn’t she adorable? *hearts* She’s red, a flip phone and a Nokia 2760. I’m gonna call her Cherry =D And she cost me. . .RM320! With bluetooth, a pretty decent cam (possibly just VGA but its pretty clear) and all the other basic functions. No external slot tho. The reason for Cherry’s presence? I can’t use my sim to make international calls cuz my Maxis postpaid line is registered under my uncle’s company. Which would mean, if I wanted to activate the feature, it’d go through his secretary and then to him and then there’d be questions as to why Ash needs to make international calls. 

 

No guesses to why I need to.

 

So i got a Digi number (their rates are still the cheapest) and a Digi Chatz calling card. It’s pretty ok la, as decent as Malaysian calling rates go. Emperor Insanity gets like what, 500 mins with a $50 dollar top up and I just get. . .100 mins with a RM20 top up -_- It’s RM0.18 per min for calls to US, Canada and the Americas.

 

And i can’t bear the thought of switching sims each time I need to make a call. So I just got a spare phone. Spare phones come in handy all the time - low juice, or if your primary phone gets stolen etc.

 

So say hello to Cherry, people! =D

 

When iph was down. . .

 

. . . blogger came through.

 

It’s almost as if I have feelings for both blogs and when one doesn’t come through, I revert to the other and in that process, possibly rebound off to that one.

One thing managers of blogging platforms should know :

 

A blogger needs to blog when a blogger needs to blog!

 

Oh such words of wisdom =P

 

Anyhoo, this was my irked post on blogger while iph failed to come through:

 

_ _ _

 

Tired, Fed-up

Iph sucks.

For some reason, it wouldn’t load today. And that’s why I’m here. On blogspot. Back home.
And as always, I can’t stop messing around with the templates. So I did and by the time I got done, I got too exhausted to post about my day which involved:

• Me being late for the first lecture -_-
• Me learning a LOT during lecture cuz I didn’t take Luthor with me to class this time.
• Me having a really good PBL for once this whole semester.
• Me still NOT eating carbs
• Me going for salsa class and ending up getting real tired after
• Me dropping dead on my bed.

Iph still won’t load.

I’m reconsidering my decision to move back. I can’t deal with slow java-loading templates.

scribbled by The Brown Woman at 5:52 PM 0 says wha?  

Labels: Ashyville chronicles

 

 

 

Looks like . . .

 

1. I have my work cut out for me this week - read blood, lectures = kidney *headdesk*
2. I have the attention span of a hyperactive kid -  an average of 5 minutes when staring at a grossly thick medical textbook
3. I am BROKE -_-
4. I  have to think up a logo and tshirt design for the ISOW society
5. AND also think of a way (or someone) to put together a nice video of how ISOW started IN TIME for the welcoming party
6. AND put together the slides for our society’s presentation

It ALSO looks like. . . 

 

1. I have to be patient in waiting for Smallville episodes 16-22 to come out since Streamass is f-ing shitty today *sobs*
2. No watching the Superman movies I just bought.
3. I’m a DC comic fan =D
4. I have to get my tuition students to frickin’ pay up

Ah life. The bliss of a hectic schedule -_-