Tempted to shift

April 29, 2008

 

It’s just the time loading factor. And the fact that nuffnang doesn’t support iph. I blog so much and get good traffic, I SHOULD be making money outta it. But I have letting go issues. Oh yes. -_-

 

My day was pretty ordinary today. Nothing of particular interest. I woke up late as always, rushed to uni, Lucky Lulu saved me a seat and oh glory, next to the lovebirds. Heh. 

 

Moving on. . .

 

Then I had to go for the ISOW meeting, we went to meet our teacher advisor today. Prof Vishna’s alright, but she gives me the impression of being those ‘touch&go’ sorts. A working lecturer, who makes possibly quite a bit lecturing students on medicine, is worried about how much a text message to a student’s gonna cost her.

 

A bit too the kanjus for me.

 

So after that, we headed to the cafe for brunch and had our second commitee meeting there to discuss the details for the welcoming/farewell party for ISOW. Yes people, JOIN In Support of Women! Posters and details to be coming soon, right after PBL is over and done with -_-

 

So much for last minute. I did ALL my research today and what’s funny is that, all the materials are in Marieb and our lecture notes this time. No need for internet research. Well, at least not for my part. This is gonna be our last PBL session with Mr Niraj.

 

*throws confetti* Yay! Maybe now I can actually look forward to PBL.

 

 *

 My neck and upper back has been aching for the past few days. And my left ankle. I have no idea what happened. I have NOT had any strenuous sudden physical activity to exert such dull aches and pains in those regions. I can’t turn left. So if you sit on my left side and try to stir up a conversation with me, I’m sorry, I don’t intend to be rude staring straight ahead just that, whatever you’re going on about, seriously isn’t worth the pain that’s gonna come if I put more effort into seeming attentive. 

 

Mum deduced I must have a thick hide. Heh. Because Deep Heat Rub didn’t work. Nope. I felt NOTHING. No stinging burning sensation, not even a calming cool mentholated feeling, NO. Nothing. And the aches are STILL there. Mum pressed and she pressed but she must be really weak because I felt NOTHING. If not that, we’re back to the Thick Hide hypothesis.

 

And so my pain lives on. Jeremy offered to snap my neck into position.

 

-_- Over my dead body.

 

So he  contented himself with taking a picture and adding it to these templates he has on his phone. I saw him fidgeting with his phone, asked him what was up and voila, my instincts were right, I was the victim. And I will NOT post that picture up here because I look ridiculous. I am pretty photogenic and I will NOT have that photo destroying my track record of looking incredibly gorgeous in stills.

 

* 

 

Sigh. Tension is sinking in. Going through all my notes made me realise how much there is to read that I have to know. What sucks is that I could have JUST gone through it but could not remember it a few days later. It’s utter bollocks I tell you. I go through stuff diligently and THEN I can’t for my LIFE remember what it was, exam-style. Summatives are in 7 weeks but there’s SO MUCH. SO much I tell you.  

 

I’m tired. I really am. So many responsibilities, so much I want to accomplish yet, there’s something always in the way. I twist and turn my routine to adjust to new changes and adapt. But when it doesn’t get appreciated or doesn’t seem enough, I feel spent. And I get tired. Soon, the impatience sets in. Then it accumulates. And then panic mode. And then comes the part I don’t like, where I lash out. I don’t like that. I don’t like lashing out at people I care about.

 

Sigh.

 

Tension sinks in. I’ve lost the mojo to blog about the random thoughts that invade my reverie each day. I find myself becoming a little bit more closed up, to the new people I’ve met. It’s weird. Possibly post-trauma neurosis or some shit like that. It’s funny how people and emotions can inflict that on you.  

 

Double sigh.

 

Med school, isn’t all that cracked up to be. I guess, I’m really beginning to truly see what being a doctor is about. How you put the lives of others, ahead of yours. . .and fuck, this is just first year. I can only imagine what it’s gonna be like later on. . .

 

Gonna have to rethink a lot of things in life. Like I said.

 

I have trouble letting go.