I don’t know what I’d do without. . .

. . .the internet! =D

To me, what I’m doing right now is utter bliss. It’s nothing much, just another ordinary day at home. I had a 5 hour nap in the afternoon - don’t ask me how I did that, I just did - and was supposed to wake up after 2 hours but just couldn’t. It was raining in the afternoon and my air-conditioning was on and I had "The Amulet of Samarkand" on my bed. . .It was such bliss.

I can’t describe the utter peace I felt at that moment right before I drifted off to sleep. I was calm, serene and the book was taking me back to my days of complete couch-potatoism where I devoured fictional pursuits ravenously, bit by bit, changing my way of thinking from that of my family’s. Slowly, without realising, my outlook on life compared to theirs changed. But because of sanctions and limitations put by family - and their money - I had to keep it all in.

Right now, I’m reading on things I’ve always wanted to study about. The nervous system, nutrition - they may all seem like really boring topics but it’s amazing what people from centuries ago have discovered about our body, and how all the structures in our system come together to form a completely functioning body. Then I start to think about how unhealthy mine is - good gods it is.

It is amazing, being able to have access to all this knowledge, it’s just waiting for me to come read up on it. Knowledge, is such power. It’s not so much for the studying but for learning’s sake. I enjoyed today’s lecture because I finally hung on to every word and our lecturer, JP, he told us the difference between learning and studying and which is, by far the best, regardless of grades. It felt good knowing that there are lecturers that don’t judge a student based on grades.

Oh. . .and the music I listen to right now, as I flick ceaselessly through pages of my assignment topic and notes on the nervous system, Philip Glass, instrumentals from the album Metamorphosis. Lovely sounds from the piano. . .*is in sheer heaven*

I can’t describe this feeling of bliss. Having such great music, reading and expanding my thoughts, as sedentary as this is, I’m enjoying it.

For a while now I wondered with my enthusiasm for writing, should I have done something else instead? And seeing that I care so much subconsciously about what my family tells me, did I go into medicine for the wrong reasons?

I now realise, my enthusiasm strengthens my writing and that writing, is my tool for expressing myself in thoughts and will all the knowledge I gain. I was right to choose medicine. My confusion earlier was just because I knew there were easier ways to succeed in life. And I was seeking a faster, shorter way. 

Now that I’m much clearer on the path before me and what I have to do, I feel way better. Stronger.