Just For Our Sakes

by Ashvini Rajah

Waiting and waiting to see your face
To take me away from this darkened place
Our hearts are one, yet pulled apart
By people who hated this from the start
This world we know is full of hate
Where bigotry is a bitter aftertaste
When man differentiates between colour of skin
You know his God speaks not from within

Irony is such a cruel thing we see
When love so true is not to be
I reach for your hand, you’re so far away
Perhaps you’ll find mine, in a better day?
Pulled apart by forces uncontrollable
So vile this is, so unreasonable
Tears they flow, rivers they make
For you I’ll wait, just for our sakes

 Life is cruel, we know that much
Tales of wars and disasters and such
Sometimes you experience joy so true
Only to have it taken from you
They say its hard just so you do
Cherish the brief good moments given to you
Hold on to them tight before they’re gone
Keep them with you till you’re done

Hope is but a bitter illusion
A flighty yet tiresome emotion
Waiting and waiting to see your face
For you who knows not the limits of race
Rivers flow and my heart skips a beat
For when I hear the sound of your feet
Waiting and waiting to see your face
As the day creeps in this terribly slow pace

Tell me now that everything’s alright
Tell me now that we’ll stick to the fight
The odds, the people, the discrimination
The jeers of such a shallow nation
Hold my hand just hold it tight
Together we can make this right
This life is ours, for us to make
For you I’ll wait, just for our sakes. . .

Man Survives Rare Skin-Shedding Disease

 Here’s an article I’d like to share with all of you. .

Harlequin Ichthyosis Usually Fatal At Birt

SAN DIEGO — A young San Diego man is truly a medical miracle.

He was born with a rare skin disorder that is usually fatal at birth.

The birth of a child is a time of celebration and anticipation. Anna-Marie Gonzalez wanted what every parent desires — a healthy child.

"I was just hoping that he had a little nose," Gonzalez said.But when she first laid eyes on her newborn son, Ryan, she was shocked."When I first saw Ryan, I just started crying. It just looked so bad," Gonzalez said.

(more…)

I’ll wait

*hugs iph* I’m not leaving you just yet!

I’ve decided I like iph’s post template too much and it’s convenience in posting a lot more than I do on blogspot. So for that, I’ll wait. Plus, the connection isn’t really all that slow in uni. Pretty decent actually.  So for when the connection is slow, I shall post on blogspot. And for when it isn’t, I shall be here. I love gorgeous iph.

Plus TONNES of people have been saying how gorgeous you look, iph. And it’s so eaasy to make posts as well. Just the time. Tho, on good internet days and in uni, it takes pretty fast to load up. Nuffnang can wait. Or just bloody figure out how to put ads on this platform.

You hear that nuffnang??!!

=P

Anyhoo, I started this post in class. But I’m always busy in class, trying to catch up with the lecture, trying to follow. So many things to remember, so lil of what I DO remember. To top it off, I haven’t been spending enough time with Emperor Insanity. And he’s not too happy about it either. It’s hard when there’s so much to do. I want so badly to do so but at this moment, I can’t afford to let anything affect my books. It’s not fair to him. But that’s the way the cookie crumbles, I guess.

 Then folks at home don’t make things any easier either. I just want to be left ALONE to handle uni. ENOUGH distractions. 

 *

 To top it off, in Latin dance class today, I just HAD to step on Blondie’s foot with my heels. It wasn’t enough that I bulldozed into someone while doing some twirl, I had to step on someone else’s foot too and she CRIED.

Maybe I shouldn’t be there. Or go off to some quiet corner and dance by myself so I don’t hurt anyone. 

Sigh. I don’t know. It’s been such a stressful day, knowing our first summatives are 7 weeks apart. I’ve got to start studying harder. I want good grades in this.

 Till I get bored from reading and start typing out nonsense again. . .

Tempted to shift

It’s just the time loading factor. And the fact that nuffnang doesn’t support iph. I blog so much and get good traffic, I SHOULD be making money outta it. But I have letting go issues. Oh yes. -_-

My day was pretty ordinary today. Nothing of particular interest. I woke up late as always, rushed to uni, Lucky Lulu saved me a seat and oh glory, next to the lovebirds. Heh. 

Moving on. . .

Then I had to go for the ISOW meeting, we went to meet our teacher advisor today. Prof Vishna’s alright, but she gives me the impression of being those ‘touch&go’ sorts. A working lecturer, who makes possibly quite a bit lecturing students on medicine, is worried about how much a text message to a student’s gonna cost her.

A bit too the kanjus for me.

So after that, we headed to the cafe for brunch and had our second commitee meeting there to discuss the details for the welcoming/farewell party for ISOW. Yes people, JOIN In Support of Women! Posters and details to be coming soon, right after PBL is over and done with -_-

So much for last minute. I did ALL my research today and what’s funny is that, all the materials are in Marieb and our lecture notes this time. No need for internet research. Well, at least not for my part. This is gonna be our last PBL session with Mr Niraj.

*throws confetti* Yay! Maybe now I can actually look forward to PBL.

 *

 My neck and upper back has been aching for the past few days. And my left ankle. I have no idea what happened. I have NOT had any strenuous sudden physical activity to exert such dull aches and pains in those regions. I can’t turn left. So if you sit on my left side and try to stir up a conversation with me, I’m sorry, I don’t intend to be rude staring straight ahead just that, whatever you’re going on about, seriously isn’t worth the pain that’s gonna come if I put more effort into seeming attentive. 

Mum deduced I must have a thick hide. Heh. Because Deep Heat Rub didn’t work. Nope. I felt NOTHING. No stinging burning sensation, not even a calming cool mentholated feeling, NO. Nothing. And the aches are STILL there. Mum pressed and she pressed but she must be really weak because I felt NOTHING. If not that, we’re back to the Thick Hide hypothesis.

And so my pain lives on. Jeremy offered to snap my neck into position.

-_- Over my dead body.

So he  contented himself with taking a picture and adding it to these templates he has on his phone. I saw him fidgeting with his phone, asked him what was up and voila, my instincts were right, I was the victim. And I will NOT post that picture up here because I look ridiculous. I am pretty photogenic and I will NOT have that photo destroying my track record of looking incredibly gorgeous in stills.

* 

Sigh. Tension is sinking in. Going through all my notes made me realise how much there is to read that I have to know. What sucks is that I could have JUST gone through it but could not remember it a few days later. It’s utter bollocks I tell you. I go through stuff diligently and THEN I can’t for my LIFE remember what it was, exam-style. Summatives are in 7 weeks but there’s SO MUCH. SO much I tell you.  

I’m tired. I really am. So many responsibilities, so much I want to accomplish yet, there’s something always in the way. I twist and turn my routine to adjust to new changes and adapt. But when it doesn’t get appreciated or doesn’t seem enough, I feel spent. And I get tired. Soon, the impatience sets in. Then it accumulates. And then panic mode. And then comes the part I don’t like, where I lash out. I don’t like that. I don’t like lashing out at people I care about.

Sigh.

Tension sinks in. I’ve lost the mojo to blog about the random thoughts that invade my reverie each day. I find myself becoming a little bit more closed up, to the new people I’ve met. It’s weird. Possibly post-trauma neurosis or some shit like that. It’s funny how people and emotions can inflict that on you.  

Double sigh.

Med school, isn’t all that cracked up to be. I guess, I’m really beginning to truly see what being a doctor is about. How you put the lives of others, ahead of yours. . .and fuck, this is just first year. I can only imagine what it’s gonna be like later on. . .

Gonna have to rethink a lot of things in life. Like I said.

I have trouble letting go.

*whines*

I MISS BLOGGER LA!!!

But I LOVE iPH’s posting template. What now ah??

*

And I don’t wanna keep switching because my blog serves as a diary that records EVERY single detail and phase of my precious life. SO. . .

What say you lot to –> Ashyville Version 1.4?

@

http://ashyville.blogspot.com

Not shifting yet. Not shifting YET.

Too fickle for words

I can’t believe this.

I actually  miss blogspot.

Yes. I do.

And why?

Because iph takes so frickin’ long to load and there are some things about blogger that you can change that you can’t do in iph (Calliope)

This is sad. I wonder what to do now. Switch back or be here till I run out of bandwith.

Either way, I’m gonna have to move.

Oh the sighableness. . .

This TOTALLY ROCKS! =D

 I FINALLY watched the Justice League episode in Smallville season 6!!!

*jumps up and down*

The Green Arrow, Aquaman, Superman, Cyborg and Flash!!! My favourite being Flash, man the comebacks are soooooooooo witty and the nicknames. . .HAHA!

Flash : Impulse

Superman : Boy Scout

Aquaman : Fishstick

HAHA!!!

Gods, it’s fantastic. I hope they come up with an ACTUAL series. And that they get Batman in it soon!

Woot! *jumps around and throws confetti* I’m so excited, I’m SO EXCITED!!!

Mojo Jojo

Here I am once more, with Luthor on my lap. It’s dark, I’ve turned off all the lights, his keys feel ever so soft as my fingertips caress him lightly. He channels everything I say. Ah true love =

Alright, I best churn out semi-intelligent thoughts before my boyfriend swoops in on this illicit affair and tears us apart.

 Meeting people and observing how they’ve changed over a short span of less than a year can surprise you. Yes, I for one am very much surprised. For no reason, did a distant memory of me in my lowest of low times resurface as I was driving back from uni yesterday. Ah yes, this was the very thing I forgot to write about. You see, I was reflecting on my life last year and where and HOW I lived like for those past two years. Granted, I met a lot of nice people, people who helped me. But those two years were possibly the years I only want to look back to for lessons, so I don’t screw it up. Ever. Again. 

Maybe, I’ve become a whole lot more self-centred. But who’s to say, really? To someone else, I could seem selfish. And to myself, I say it’s reflection. And reflection is good if it makes you a better person. Which is what I ultimately work for.

The memory I came across was of me crying myself to sleep one day because I was upset over the issues that bugged me during those two years. Of how differently I thought and why people couldn’t understand me. I had friends who tried to help. But I couldn’t get their help because I didn’t think they actually got it.  Somehow, being different always frustrated me. No, I don’t claim to be different but I will admit that I find it very hard to find people on the same level of thinking as I am. And because of that, I end up giving way because I eventually realise that, it’s never gonna change.

I was talking to my one supporter during that time. I was so exhausted from being emotionally drained,  I fell asleep while we texted. And when I woke up, I saw 5-6 texts and an MMS. I remember reading those texts, feeling oddly comforted and not nearly alone. Then I saw the video and it really perked me up.  It was a video of me during my funniest and most random moments. There were clips of me hiding my face, staring murderously at the camera (itching to strangle the shooter of that clip) and moments when I was really shy because the cameraman was being an idiot. Yes, Ash gets shy, it IS possible. Now stop gaping and going ‘eww’, put it up on Ripleys if you can’t get that mandible back up where it belongs.

It started off with "You are. . .-insert video clips here-" and ended with ". . .the apple of my eye,"

It made me wonder. Could you really turn away from a person you love?

People move on. I certainly did. But some don’t.  It’s sad. Makes you feel somewhat guilty of doing so. I even poked fun at this person for it. Upon further reflection, I realised I shouldn’t have done that.

Sigh. I’m out of mojo again. I do think, I should close MSN for when I blog. I completely loose track of thoughts.

Till I get the mojo again. Or till much MORE intelligent thoughts invade my reverie.

Quote time!

"I don’t like conflict. . ."

~ Emperor Insanity, a loooong time ago when asked why he was so quiet even though I was angry and expecting a fight

 

 "I’m sorry Ash, I don’t swing that way. I like penises,"

 ~ E, while I was back in Penang, on my way out with an apparent hot date with another girl -_-

 "Fornicate till we die. . ."

 ~ Scandal Woman, over an alcohol-deprived MSN conversation, 25|4|08

 

 &

 "If Lord Krishna can fornicate, why can’t I??"

 ~Scandal Woman, 26|4|08, still on with the alcohol-soon2besex-deprived MSN conversation

"Sighableness"

New word I learnt from Losh. I’ve GOT to give the woman a blog name already. Losh, I now bequeath thee the name. . .Lucky Lulu? Well if YOU thought of it, it shouldn’t be lame so DON’T bite my head off for it.

I’m thinking of Blondie for Thali but haha, I best ask that woman first. I mean it in the most adorable sense of the word, I swear!

=P

Alright, after a round of completely irking my buddies at uni, I’m finally sitting down to blog. After one helluva hectic week that involved dance classes, studying, body aches and a very expensive birthday =P I sit here, embracing the weekend with tired arms. Of course, when I talk of embracing, I mean having Luthor on my lap once more (NOT lapdancing Seth, sorry to disappoint) and blogging about random thoughts and events accumulated over the week. The funny part is that, I DO get invites to head out for the weekend on account of SO many friends only being free then but I somehow always turn them down. You see, I have responsibilities and the weekend presents me with precious time to recuperate from the week and gear up for the next.

When I was a kid or much younger, I could never really see why people welcomed weekends with such content. Only now can I fully appreciate the warmth Sabbath day can present. The very day I was born on =P

Ah crap. I’ve just remembered that I have to load pictures from Rosh’s surprise birthday party at Chilis. I never did put them up on facebook

Anyhoo, yes, I’ve been watching Smallville too, whenever I can and I’m finally at Season 6. Gods, Lana Lang can be SO STUPID. You see?! I’m a pretty good judge of character and she’s an idiot airhead that needs to be shot. MANY TIMES. Sure, I like Lex. But I definitely wanted someone ELSE for Clark. Finally, she leaves. And even Clark knows she isn’t the one. FINALLY are the characters using common sense!

Oh but Jonathan Kent dies *cries* I was so sad, I downloaded the music from that episode. It was really sad. Really really sad *cries harder* the whole winter scene shot at the Smallville graveyard was so depressing. 

 Chloe knows Clark’s secret. They should be together already!

Alright alright, enough Smallville fangirl ranting. Back to the original reason I’m blogging. 

IMU is fun. It really is. I love salsa classes, they’re fantastic. And our batch is pretty dynamic. Finally, coursemates that are diverse and have spines. Not to say the others didn’t but those from Intec who can truly empathise with me on what the mentality back there was will truly understand my satisfaction in revelling in this diversity.  Ah, the free air I breathe! Again, I’m not comparing IMU to PMC whatever so DON’T come witchhunting me down! No stake-burning for me. 

Somehow, being at uni has a calming effect on me. Even if its something as dull and dreary as hanging out in the MMS room. Yes, I skipped BS lectures today to go only later to submit our AIR topic and do some studying in the MMS room. Call it a guilt trip. Somehow, even tho the BS lectures are totally pointless,  I still feel guilty for skipping em. So I spent 2 healthy hours at the MMS room today finishing our questions for this week’s lectures which were on the heart. We covered the thorax, conducting system of the heart, capillaries and blood pressure regulation - tho I haven’t finished reading all of it, I finally familiarised myself with all the structures today. It made a lot more sense when I studied the models, tho it must have looked pretty geeky, me, a huge fat anat text book and a model of the heart. Tho, I could finally study in peace. 

I am so easy to please. I’m at complete bliss with Luthor on my lap and the world wide web as my window to the world.  It’s love, I tell you. If there’s any other person who can truly understand this appreciation I have for Luthor, it’d be Emperor Insanity. He has Katie =D - who even got a poem written in her honour as well. Ha. 

I’m gonna end this on a totally boring note because some distractions have made me lose my mojo for this post and go off to send my grandparents to Glenmarie Manor.  I have to go now.

Till semi-intelligent thoughts invade my blissfully ignorant reverie once more. . .