She stays at home, reflecting on love, relationships and life

March 20, 2008

 

There was no uni today, no classes, no study groups, so I slept in, but woke up to talk and spend some quality time with Emperor Insanity.

 

Uni has had me not being able to spend enough time with all the loved ones in my life. The only goal I can afford to have now would be to study hard and the amount of reading to be done is piling. Lecture notes, textbooks, other people’s notes, your own notes. . .It sure takes time.

 

I spent the day going through enzymes and I still can’t remember jackshit.

 

I have so many dreams, so much I want to do. But hurt, disappointment, the tasks people expect of me, they all seem to cloud the path I intend to tread on. Most of my energy seems to be drained by just ignoring these obstacles, putting on a selfish front.

 

Sometimes I feel like butter spread over too much bread.

 

It’s only Sem 1; the next few semesters here are only gonna get worse. But I do get much time to reflect, in between studying when my attention drifts. I love being at uni because I get to be my own person there, not having to hide my views entirely. Sure, some of my extreme views have to be hidden because society here in general isn’t quite accustomed to it yet. But I can breathe more in uni than I can at home.

 

On another note entirely. . .

 

Late morning today, my close friend Andrew texted to tell me that my ex had come about our residential area to drop Andrew’s sister and her friends off at his house. Andrew was stunned and knows all the details of my past relationship with Arun. As such, he was extremely worried about his sister’s welfare. Arun apparently talks well of me and Andrew to his sister. But that is to be expected, Arun is making an attempt at her, I know it so well. He charms his way into the hearts of women by saying all he wants is friendship. He starts pouring his sorrows out to the girl, always calling and talking to her under the pretext of a platonic relationship till she reciprocates and that’s when he swarms in for the kill. And the first few months of the relationship might be real right until he somehow manages to sleep with her. If he does, he’ll get bored. If he doesn’t, it’ll take a while longer till he gets tired of trying and finds easier prey.

 

He backs up his argument by putting you at fault, by making you doubt yourself, by playing tricks with your heart. You feel bad for doubting him but the truth is? He really is lying and your intuition is probably correct.

 

I blinded myself to it. And fate was kind enough to give me a stinging slap to reality.

 

Well, life goes on. It was just a lil unsettling to know he comes about our lil town and hangs out with my friends. Andrew and Heva are very disgruntled by this fact and Andrew has already told his sister to stay clear.

 

Let’s just hope she listens this time. Hearing this bit of news was like having my past come back to haunt me. The memories I had have faded but the hurt, it’ll never go. It’s a good thing cuz it just makes you stronger to face even more. And to be a better person.

 

And it worked out for the better. I’m with someone else who makes me totally happy and complete. And he’s a keeper alright. Each second I’m not with him, just makes me miss him more. We may not live in the same country and are continents apart. But it’s more than that.

 

So on days like this, when I get a wee bit down, thinking about the past, I think about all the gems in my life, the lovely lovely people I know and I thank my Big Blue Ball of energy for being this blessed.  

 

*hugs all gems*